How can I deal with my feelings?

As you try to cope with the emotional upheaval of a death, the following thoughts may be helpful.

Take your time

You may feel numb, or find it difficult to believe what has happened. You may feel relief that the person is no longer suffering. You may feel sad, angry or guilty. You may also feel panicky about what needs to be done, or about what lies ahead. It’s important, especially in the first few days, that you allow yourself:

• time to take in what has happened   
• time to talk about the person who has died
• time to feel the pain and the loneliness
• time for yourself.

Do it your way

We are all different, and we react to death in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just try to do what feels right for you.  

Take care of yourself

It is important to look after yourself. For example, you should try to eat well, and avoid drinking too much alcohol. It’s also important to know that it’s normal to feel afraid, have nightmares or struggle to see the point of life. However, if you are worried about your feelings, you can speak to your doctor.

Remember

Grief is normal – it is part of what it is to be human and to have feelings.

Grief is a journey – it is often hard, but it will get easier.

Grief has no shortcuts – grief takes time. It often takes much longer than you and many people around you may expect.

It is normal both to grieve and live – when you find yourself not thinking about the person who has died, that is all right.

Grief can be scary – and can lead to depressing thoughts and even thoughts of suicide. It is natural to think this way and okay to talk about it.

Finally - it is important not to expect too much of yourself, and know when to ask for help. The death of someone close is a major event in anybody’s life and there are no quick ways of adjusting. It can be helpful to find someone you trust that you can to talk to, for example a friend, your doctor, or a religious leader. If after a while you feel you are still not coping, you may want to speak with your doctor. You can also get help from some organisations in the How to find out more section.

Page last edited: 23 June 2011